I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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