I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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