I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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