She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
