Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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