Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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