and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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