My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
