everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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