we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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