whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
