we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
