Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I smell stomach acid.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
