it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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