My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
