The maid of honor just puked.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
