It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
