Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
