sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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