This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
