How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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