How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
