I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
