We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
