i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
3pm strippers are depressing
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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