I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
