know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
