so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
