420 ftw
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
