Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
