I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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