While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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