i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
