Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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