I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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