I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
im holly from the hills drunk
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
