call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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