none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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