It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
