So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
