woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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