Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
