So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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