He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
