Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
