youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm both gender and math confused
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
