he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
