I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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