I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
