Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
my being single is dangerous.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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