i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
