So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
