I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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