Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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