I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
