all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
