I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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