in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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