Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
