I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
